Today’s Reverb10 prompt reads, “Wisdom. What was the wisest decision you made this year, and how did it play out?” Once again, I was stumped. I’ve made a ton of decisions this year, but I don’t think any of them were necessarily considered “wise.”
I thought about opting out of this one, but then decided to go for a long run to clear my head and think about the prompt. Armed with my newly downloaded Charlie Brown Christmas soundtrack and my beaten up shoes, I hit the pavement and started on my run. As soon as I left my neighborhood, I ran into an old friend who lives down the street. Now mind you, I really don’t know this friend all that well, but we see each other from time to time, we are both of East Indian descent, and our kids are around the same age, so we always have a lot to talk about, and she is a really nice person. So of course, I stopped and chatted with her for a while. Since it had been almost a year since I’ve seen her, we had a lot to catch up on and while I was telling her all about our year, it donned on me that I have made a “wise” decision this year and it has played out…Beautifully!
I’ve always been a guilty person…wait, let me rephrase that…I’ve always carried around a lot of guilt. Over the years, I would feel guilty about everything – not living up to my parents expectations, not being a perfect daughter-in-law , not being the perfect mother, not being the perfect wife, my work, etc. etc…you get the picture. I always felt I had this perfect reputation to live up to and everything I did had to be perfect. Not sure where that originated from, but it has always been something inside of me and has gotten worse over the years. And for this reason, I also completely changed the way I lived my life. I used to be a super spontaneous person; if something looked fun or I felt like doing it, I would just do it – no guilt and no regrets.
But as I got older, anytime I was asked to do something a bit spontaneous, my answer would always be “no.” Not because I didn’t want to do it, but because I would feel guilty about what might fall by the way-side if I just got up and left. Schedules would be thrown off, the kitchen would be dirty, the kids would be messed up for life (ok, I never really truly thought that, but it could happen :-)) No, No, No, Guilt, Guilt, Guilt, Regrets, Regrets, Regrets…that has been my recent life, until this year.
This year, for the first time, I decided to let go of the guilt. To live my life with no guilt and no regrets, and to bring spontaneity back in my life, because for me, that is what makes life so fun!
So, I do have only one thing that I still regret and I feel guilty about, and that is:
So I’m off to drink a nice glass of wine in the afternoon sun, because that is what I feel like doing right now…and I won’t feel an ounce of guilt!
Until Next Time…Namaste!